This afternoon I sat on concrete steps bordering a parking lot and sidewalk, famished, and thinking about what the late physicist Richard Feynman often said to his first wife: "What do you care what other people think?"
What did I care that I was seated near the bus stop sign, within 10 feet of the closest car sitting in two-lane traffic waiting for the red light to turn green? I wanted to eat! I had to EAT! Now, not a moment later! Let 'em all stare at me, I thought. I'll never see them again...just peeps in passing cars.
I whipped out my little cheese stick and strawberry yogurt granola bar that I'd bought from the 7-Eleven across the street and wolfed them down. And then I finished those off with my nearly-filled 1 liter bottle of water.
Only two sets of waiting cars sat in front of me. It didn't bother me that they were there, I was so hungry! Then my vanity played on me: I needed to re-apply my lipstick after eating. I've seen many a woman apply their make-up in public: bus, airplane, airport waiting area, restaurant, park bench, etc.
How about in front of traffic?
So I did. I whipped out my Ruby Desire lipstick by Maybelline and free Blue Cross/Blue Shield compact mirror and skillfully re-did my lips for all to see! Oh, I don't know if anyone actually looked as they came to the red light. All I know is that I like my lips to have some shiny color to them!
I had a bit of practice doing my own thing at bus stop a couple of weeks ago in Washington, D.C. I had some medical business to take care of, and there was royal screw up on the receptionist's part, which gave me time to run to Chinatown and get something to eat. Since I couldn't eat in the medical center, I ate at the bus stop right outside it.
I had ordered what turned out to be really bad dumplings; Americanized. But since I don't believe in wasting food unless it really tastes toxic or is toxic, I ate it. And I was under a time crunch to get back to my appointment, so I gobbled four of six dumplings right there. They were hot and steamy, with hot sauce. I didn't use much of the hot sauce because my tongue and tummy can't tolerate too-spicy stuff.
While I ate, a bus stopped by, and a young family sat next to me. I could feel a toddler's eyeballs boring into me! I only glanced sideways once to see that she was staring at me eating noisily. Didn't bother me because: I WAS HUNGRY!
I did what I had to do and that's that! Stare all you want, I told them silently. I'll never see you again! I don't care. I have to eat! I have to make my lips look good afterwards, too!
;-)
How self-concious am I anyway?
Hopefully, less and less as time goes by.
Take for example, my fuzzy, florescent leggies. Hubby loves them just they way they are, thankfully. :-) I haven't seen many women at all who've let their legs go natural.
I haven't shaved them since high school and I'm sorry I ever did it because I think it caused my hair on my legs to grow darker. I'm not ever going to shave them again because of that, but mainly because shaving was a pain in the ass. I hated it. I've got better things to do with my time.
Sometimes, though, I get really hard stares. Mostly from women.
How shallow of you! I say to them silently. Why are you looking at another woman's legs? If they look so repulsive to you, don't look at them for goodness sakes! :-(
The looks can sting if I let them bother me. Most of the time, they don't. Every once in while I ask hubby if he still likes my fuzzy leggies, and he says, "Of course. Leave them alone." ;-)
Between him and Richard Feynman, I should just put it out of my mind, shouldn't I?
I'd be lying if I said I haven't been tempted to rid my legs of hair. My sis mentioned waxing to me recently. I thought maybe I could try it once and hopefully the hair will take longer to grow back--and lighter. And yet, I like to be as natural as possible in all ways. We'll see.
How shallow will I be by giving in to society's standards of beauty? I already have given in a bit by buying makeup, though I use a minimal amount.
I don't tan--I get a "tint". As a result, black hair on pale legs are rather striking! I have fuzzy arms, too, but they're not as noticeable.
With age comes wisdom.
I don't know where that adage came from, but I hope it's true. One being the wisdom not to bother about what other people think about you. :-)
Being involved with taekwondo has helped me a lot to build confidence in that regard. Having to perform in front of instructors, judges at tournaments, and your classmates over and over again is a great confidence booster!
Yep, there have been events in the past where I was put uncomfortably in the spotlight:
- Starting to play before I was supposed to during a class recital when I was four years old at Yamaha Music School/Class!
- Picked last on the team during p.e. every single week and year during my school years.
- Performing horribly on physical fitness tests in front of my classmates.
- Standing out like a sore thumb on my trips to Turkey (especially the first time).
- Riding bus #38 through San Francisco's Chinatown and having all the passenger's eyeballs stick to you as you come on board.
- Going to a beauty salon recommended by a coworker and then upon arrival, being stared at as if I were from Mars.
Among countless other times...!
The important thing to remember is to just be myself, eh? And nothing less! :-D
