Unleashed! %-0

“When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.”

~Samuel Langhorne Clemens/Mark Twain (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), American author and humorist



If you are having a rotten day, do you use others at your punching bag?

I sure hope I don't. Not as habit anyway. When I have, others have called me to it fairly quickly. An apology is in order, there. ;-)

I have run across punch-baggers in many a store, in family, and a few friends (but friends always give me fair warning, as in, "let me call you back later because I'm in a really, really bad mood!" or explain to me why they are feeling cranky.)

But I am thinking: even when at times I have been majorly stressed out (at least, as adult), I endeavored NOT to use those around me as target practice, because I knew--and know, that they are not the problem. I am.

To help myself put things in perspective--that there is always, ALWAYS, someone out there who has it worse than myself, I even went out of my way after work once a week to volunarily mentor a troubled young girl~who for most of the two years I spent with her, didn't seem to want me there. That was my "therapy" to keep myself calm. ;-)

You might ask: what bought this up, being a punching bag?

I am someone who comes from a temperamental family, but rather than being extremely short-fused, I let things simmer for a long time (days, months, YEARS...!), then I explode! %-0

A terse request in the form of email came this morning. Nothing wrong there. Except that our email system sent my email an hour late, so he didn't get my email~which would have answered his request. I quickly...and angrily resent the letter! That set off my hot lava button!


About what, you ask?

• Everything and anything! !%$@!#!^%)(*!
• At myself, for being so sensitive (at times).
• At others, for being so INsensitive.
• At myself, for forgetting that others are under extreme stress in these trying times.
• At others, over decades!, for inadvertently (or purposely) using me as their punching bag and never--or rarely, apologizing.
• At others, for not learning how to manage their lives better so that they will be less inclined to transfer their misery onto others.
• At myself, for not having better self-control...yet(!).

A whole mix of things!



So this is my rant: I'm NOT your fucking punching bag. I am NO ONE's punching bag 0R doormat.


I don't deserve it! You think I do? Do I do it to you? Do you really think so little of me that you have no hesitation in striking out when it suits you?


I'm not taking it anymore! :-( I don't know why I did before, but those days are history. I will call you on it next time you lose control. Ouch!


Whether verbally or on paper, words can kill another's spirit. Or affection for another. Cause a slow death. Or cause loss of respect for others you thought you were supposed to trust. Or genuinely trusted...long ago.

I'm not asking people to be mushy, but for goodness sake, can you leave the hateful venom in the toilet where it belongs? It's often quite palpable these days. :-( (just turn on the news!).

I've come to believe over the years that what comes out of a person's mouth is what is in that person's heart. If you didn't mean it, why the hell did you say it in the first place? I'm not talking about trivial mistakes we all make when trying to explain non-personal things. I'm talking about matters of the heart. Such as when you're angry at something or someone and you lash out at the nearest person, even if that person is a supposed loved one. That's when words can sear you like a steam burn. Or worse.

I have accidentally steam-burned my fingers from an autoclave at work, so I know how painfully nasty that feels like! %-0 Those burn marks fade, but not emotional burns.

Just yesterday, my mom mentioned she thought she was getting more impatient with people in her later years!

Maybe I am, too. Though I'm not sure that's my way. More precisely, I am growing more intolerant of people with meanness. :-( There's no room for meanness in my life, anymore. I don't want any part of it, which is hard, because I react very strongly to any form of meanness...and in turn, spew back meanness in equal measure. When that occurs, I have just trapped myself in the very thing I want to avoid. Spun myself into the darkest depths of the heart. I get mad at myself for getting mad, and lamely blaming the person for getting mad at me and "making" me mad because s/he got my goat. %-0! Something to work on for sure. I am trying--I feel better when I know I have the will within me to stop and think before I react to something so negative that has the potential to unnerve me...if I let it.

At least my mean spells are only transient, because I've got a good hubby~my bestest friend in the universe, to bring me back to earth, clear my head, and help me be myself again. :-)

You see, if I don't have tolerance of meanness in myself, how would you expect me to have it in others? (flakiness is another character trait I cannot tolerate in myself or others, but that's another subject worthy of a post...another time!)

Thank you kindly for reading my rant. ;-)


“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson (May 25, 1803 – April 27, 1882), American essayist, philosopher and poet