Raging Bull!

I am a raging bull, I admit it: I have a bad temper . :-(

I have family and relatives who are temperamental, but I think they are more short-fused than me. Impatient. Easily angered; you never know when they'll explode. Like walking in a minefield...you never know when they'll blow up, but it's a sure-fire guarantee they will, sooner or later. You can be certain of that with each visit.

Not that I'm any better. I'm not.

I'm the simmering volcanic type! I give no warning either, but my explosion might take days, weeks, months, even years to occur. But when Mount Me explodes...watch out! A hot explosion of fury lava will spill forth, leaving nothing in my path. As hubby put it, I leave no prisoners behind. I get the job DONE!%-0

That's how I was this morning, when I discovered mil "took my job". It's anybody's job to wash (really, rinse), chop, and cook the greens from fil's garden to freeze for storage; she's been doing it for decades, unlike me, who's only been assisting her off and on throughout the years. I did most of it yesterday. Washing all these bags of greens--and other vegetables for that matter, does not bother me. Since there is so much (we ended up with five quart-sized bags to freeze!), it takes a few hours to go through. I find a kind of peace doing that work.

So why did I get all worked up over something so trivial this morning? Feel possessive about it? I deeply resent others when they are possessive of me or something or someone else, but I am guilty of doing the same thing! %-0 This is not to say I think she is possessive of that work--I'm only saying that is how I am.

I can't explain it. I just became uncharacteristically LOUD today. Poor hubby was the messenger between the two of us (only because he went over to their kitchen this morning to soak beans) this morning. He said, "Mom's got almost all of the greens washed; she got to it first thing this morning and hasn't eaten yet". She told him she didn't want me to feel burdened.

WHAT?!

No way! I don't mind at all, and had told her so before. Am I stealing her job? ;-0 We'll have to talk! She had complained before it was like a burden sometimes, with fil bringing home veggies all the time...everyday, for her to take care of. Is it cuz she thought something like that should be done in the early morning? What does it matter what time it is done? (Mind you, I did not tell her that I intended to do it today! I fully intended to do it myself...I just didn't communicate that to her. ;-0)


I'm still very much a night owl; I have my peace at night, always have.

But I can work in the morning, too. After all, I spent years starting work at 6 a.m., and then 5 a.m. because we had early birds in the lab. Insanity!



Anyhoo, I stomped, banged pots and pans, and ranted and raved all morning long! Talking loud--almost shouting the whole time in the kitchen, in part because the commercial fridge and freezer are so darn LOUD, and we turn the radio on loud to drown out the fridge sounds. Hubby certainly didn't have trouble hearing me this morning, while I bagged up the blanched curly kale for the freezer.

My mind was, and is, racing! Hubby calls me a restless spirit on an endless flight (from the Eagle's song. Even with all my ranting, hubby was still loving toward me! Wasn't quite sure what to do with his raving woman who couldn't calm down, though! %-0 He told me to go exercise.

I took my fury out on my bike roller. I was SO RAGING angry, I kept up a maddening pace of 80 rpm (revolutions per minute) for most of the 25 minutes I rolled, even on 2nd gear! Racy symphonic music blasting away helped! I raged and rolled on the bike until after my neck was sopping wet with sweat, and salty sweat got in my eyes and rolled down my nose! %-0

Mil likes working and being outside MUCH better, I think, especially on bright sunny days. It doesn't matter much to me: I'm happy indoors. I don't like, or allow, Mother Nature to dictate my life, but...don't get ME in the hot sun or my tongue will be hotter than the sun itself! %-0

I'll sure we can arrive at an easy understanding...we always have. :-)


In the meantime, I have to work out my RAGE.

Before I went over to help hubby, I put on a cd of Dimitry Shostakovich's louder compositions; I put the volume on as loud as I could stand it. I love his work...it's very intense, often dark and tormented. I can relate to it extremely well!

Cycling on the rollers helped a great deal. It's better than saying unpleasant, hurtful words and verbally stabbing someone forever, isn't it? I can dissipate my boiling anger and build up some leggie muscles at the same time! ;-)

Of course, I was mostly mad that I even got mad, in the first place! Such a trivial matter, washing vegetables!

There are other things that I rage over, such as social injustices, misogyny, etc. That's when I try to cycle my rage away. Pretend I'm rolling over the baddies who take advantage of others, or who try to control the female half of humanity through violence, cultural traditions or laws, or who publicly spew out misogynistic, dumb chatter that demeans, dehumanizes, and perpetuates backward thinking about women.

Doing a lot of reading calms me down. :-) It helps me think more clearly. I LOVE to read works by women who have stood up and out against unjust treatment of women, and of more vulnerable members of society. The more outspoken and brave they were (and are), the more I am inspired by their chutzpah. :-) They are whom I admire, and are the ones who will help me channel my rage.

Alice! Simone! Emma! And all those whom I've yet to discover: sock it (your words of wisdom) to me!! I'm ready to devour your words, to let them nourish and saturate my mind and heart. :-)

I have A LOT of reading to do!...



p.s. #1: I did see the movie Raging Bull...but hopefully, I won't end up being a broken, boozy, overweight, lousy nightclub act! ;-0

p.s. #2: OF COURSE mil and I are friends! I made a mountain out of a molehill! She told me she didn't want me to think she was going to leave all the work to me! I love her! Do I have something going on biologically? Did I not get enough sleep (which can make me unruly and cranky!)?

Becoming the Bicycle Advocate

Thanks to you, Mr. Feynman, I have been able to walk through stores with my bike helmet on (with blinkie light on the back helmet, but not turned on), x-large reflective vest that makes me look like a highway worker, backpack on my back, and maybe even one day--my safety glasses, if I don't take them off by habit as soon as my bike is locked.

"What do YOU care what other people think?"

Where would I be if I hadn't read the writings of the late physicist, Richard Feynman? He would say that to his first wife often and she would throw that line back to him, when challenging him with what he thought could be socially embarrassing or harebrained ideas. I never tire of those words of his! They're an inspiration to me. :-)

Recently I acquired a hybrid bicycle from my fil's property which had been sitting in a garage for who knows how long, but it was in pretty good shape. I'd been missing riding a bicycle since we moved to Delaware 13 years ago. Fil and mil strongly discouraged us from bicycling in rural Sussex County because people were not used to bicyclists. And really, there was nowhere to ride because the two lane roads were so narrow. Now there are more bicyclists around, especially near the beaches.

Hubby and I haven't owned a mobile prison (car) since 2003 when we moved upstate from rural Sussex County; my honey has been relying on his bike, and me the bus. I'M quite the expert on public transportation! Throw me in any city, anywhere, and I will find my way around town faster than I ever would by car!

However, when I need to get to work, waiting for a late-running bus can severely raise my tension level, and I don't like that. I can say this much though to those who may be alienated from public transportation: a city bus is obligated to show up, no matter what the weather brings. If your car breaks down--or worse, is involved in a car accident, then what are you left with?? High stress calling work, home, insurance company, towing company, etc. With the bus, the attendant headaches are mainly on the bus people. You know a bus will show up sooner or later...or the powers that be will have to answer to a lot of pissed off people.

Plus, you can get lots of good reading done on the bus. ;-) I've read many a great novel over the years on the public transportation system: War and Peace (2x!), The Iliad, Moby Dick, The Sound and the Fury, and more, plus a lot of non-fiction works. You can't do that driving a car.

Or riding a bike.

But, with riding a bike, you have freedom! Freedom to explore! Exhilaration! An adrenalin rush! The thrill of speed! Freedom to move your legs as you wish--with the satisfaction that you're getting exercise while traveling to where you want to go.

Nothing like fueling a bicycle with your own power and knowing a soldier or a citizen didn't have to die to fuel it.

Freedom also brings with it responsibility: knowing and following traffic rules. And also being well-equipped. We've both done a lot of reading online and with books and a video from the library on effective cycling. We want to be safe and traffic-savvy efficient riders. Nothing less. No one can predict anyone's behavior behind the wheel (I already slipped and fell on the bike in front of a pizza joint right on our Main Street the other day for all to see! ), but it's better to be as prepared as possible.

Lately, I find myself observing bicyclists the same way I observe everyone's posture and gait while they walk (from a massage therapist's viewpoint)! The more familiar I become with traffic rules and good bicycling habits, the more shocked I am with other bicyclists' lack of adherence to simple safety principles--down to the simple things of not even wearing a helmet! I wanna have my brain around for as long as possible and protect it as much as possible!

I'm all set to go, now! I just need my night light for the front of the bike. I've got new tires for pavement riding, a bell, hubby's old bike rack (he got a newer, better one for heavy loads), my crate for a basket, a x-large reflective vest (so I can wear it over winter coats), fenders, blinkie lights for the helmet, safety goggles so insects--and rocks and dirt from cars won't fly into my eyeballs, U-lock and cable...and of course, my snazzy RED helmet. :-)

This is just my third week of urban cycling. I can't say I've ever ridden like this before. Growing up, it was riding in the 'burbs. It was the same when we lived in Goleta, CA (near Santa Barbara), just riding in a residential area to reach the university campus or to the grocery store. The latter involved cutting through a wide swath of a bumpy dirt field, which was great fun! :-D

Now, we live near a university and the main street of the city, which involves quite a bit of traffic: cars, people and other bicyclists that I am not accustomed to yet. I'm getting more comfortable with each ride though.:-)

Hubby did hours of research on bike safety and equipment for my sake and also his. I know he's more worried about me, but I do remember him walking into the store I once worked in and he was scraped up: a lady didn't see where she was going and he flipped over the trunk of her car...and all she gave him was a lousy $20! %-( And the one day he didn't bother with his bike helmet last year was the day some dumb bunny ran right into him because she was busy talking on her cell phone. The police officer didn't have much sympathy for him...maybe because he didn't have his helmet and/or other safety gear on him. I think it's because she put on a good drama act. I wasn't present (thankfully...else my mouth might have gone off), but I know that hubby was visibly annoyed with her hysteria and "current lack of funds". It wasn't even her van that she was driving. We didn't hear anything from her, after promises of sending $$ for bike repairs. She oughta thank her lucky stars that we're not the suing type of people.

We are almost fully equipped for night riding, as soon as we get our flashlights for as our front lights. There is a whole bicycle culture out there that I wasn't aware of! It's really neat reading their websites...they did all the hard work for us already!

I especially admire the bicycle advocates and the women bicyclists who have traveled solo by bicycle in faraway lands--beyond the tourist destinations. Places like Turkey (I love that place!), the "stans" in Central Asia, Eastern Europe and Southeast Asia. It all just sounds like a lot of fun to travel by bicycle! But I wouldn't do it until I was an experienced commuter and knew something about bike mechanics.

And from what I've read so far, I think bicycle advocates are very progressive-minded people. Yes, they may still need their cars for work and travel, but cars are not their focus. Bicycling is.

For some food for thought, check out the article, Make Money By Commuting on Your Bicycle.

By walking into the store and looking like a bicycle geek of sorts, I am making a statement to the world: that I'm proud to be a bicyclist and not afraid to look like one either! Bicycling is cool! It brings my honey and me closer together in spirit, helps keep us fit, and helps us not contribute to air pollution.

It's the civilized thing to do.

Besides, I'd rather be SEEN by cars (especially at a busy intersection) than not. Why should I care how I look in the grocery store or anywhere else as long as I'm well- equipped? I do not care what others may think! Why, this morning I wore my safety glasses over my regular glasses! %-D

I intend to be bicycling well into my 100's...! Freedom is very nice thing indeed.

If you have a bicycle in your possession, is it collecting dust? Or are you giving it fresh air? ;-)

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I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.

--Antoine De Saint-Exupery