The Ultimate Uncle

Uncle T was like no other man I've met or known in my life. He was the Ultimate Uncle: the kind of relative every person would love to have. Why?

For a thousand reasons, and then some. He was a gentleman, for one. More precisely, he treated women with respect, whether he liked them or not. And for the most part, one would never know if he disliked someone unless he told you privately, among friends or family members. If anything, he was the type to comment on someone's behavior or character trait, rather the the person.

The fact that he treated women with respect speaks volumes about him. That part of him, of course, means a lot to me. It means he was a great role model. Someone I could trust, as well as respect--and not just because of age, as I was taught. Uncle T was a model whom I could measure the character of my future spouse upon.

He loved my Auntie L dearly. Auntie L, one of my father's older sisters, was my favorite aunt...which therefore forever makes him my favorite uncle! They were generous with their love to my siblings and myself, and, I'm certain, to many of their relatives and friends. They had no children of their own.

They took me to many places, introduced me to their friends, spoiled me with birthday parties with my friends when I was young, encouraged me to do well in all I endeavored, were always, always interested in my activities, and had high hopes for me. They loved me!:-) Probably more than I have ever been aware of. But I was secure in their love.

Even after Auntie L passed away from cancer in '89, Uncle T didn't cease to show his love for me/us, just because we were on her side of the family. The two of them had spent every single Christmas with us as far as I can remember. Christmas was not Christmas without their presence on Christmas Eve! After she was gone, he still continued to spend many holidays with us.

He even continued to write letters to me! The last one I have is from last month. I have letters dating from 1973 from both of them. That's 34 years' worth of correspondence! It belongs in my "special collections" library of letters! ;-D The two of them took turns writing to me, although for the most part, it was Auntie L until she became very ill.

Uncle T did SO much in his lifetime! He was the eldest of 10 children. A founding father of Pi Alpha Phi, the first Asian American Interest Fraternity (founded in 1926). A WWII vet, a Master Mason and Shriner, active golfer for decades with many trophies, world traveler, volunteer for the Shriner's Burn Center for Children in Sacramento, gourmet chef extraordinaire for his family, advisor to family and friends. Hmm...I know I'm missing a lot! That was probably the tip of the iceberg.

Just a few years ago, in response to receiving my plane itinerary and tenative plans for my visit with my family, I remember him writing me, "Your schedule matches my calendar!" Ladies and gents: this man's calendar was just about filled with black ink, for every day of the week, whether he attended to his activities or not!

He was THE diplomat! He never, to my memory, belittled anyone. If he didn't like something you did--such as me rejecting tomatoes he served when I was very young, he would say something like, "Are you sure? You might like them if you try". Never anything like, you stupid kid: EAT!

And he was a tease. Once, I grabbed the bill at a restaurant because I was curious to read it (must have been during early elementary school years!); Uncle T had a mischevious grin on his face, and exclaimed, "Oh! Thank YOU for offering to pay for me and Auntie L!" Oops!

I cannot ever remember him cursing or losing his temper. He might have a grave look about him if he was disappointed about something or someone, but he still was thoughtful--skillfully assessing the situation and choosing his words carefully. I don't know that I ever heard a sarcastic tone come from him. He was able to state his opinions without being aggressive. Sometimes he'd chuckle, "heh heh heh", after commenting on something, usually not too positive. I suppose that was his buffer of diplomacy.;-)

Uncle T was a member of the Toastmaster's Club for some time. I don't recall how long, but he wanted to be a better speaker. I remember him telling me that he would get points off every time he said, "Um"! If I picked up any tricks of the trade he shared with me from his time with them, it was to leave out ummmm!

He left us early Wednesday morning, the day after his 97th birthday. I imagine a lot of people were hoping he'd hang on to at least 100. I know I did. But he wanted to go. Really go. I take some comfort that he is now with Auntie L. Yet that doesn't take away the pain of the loss that I and his family feel.

He left such an impact on my life. Many lives. He lived long and well. An inspiration to me to live my life as fully as possible, for as long as possible.

Uncle T...I miss you so much. :-( I cried on the bus 2x yesterday. There's gap you've left because you were present in my life from the very beginning, sharing your love generously and unconditionally. EVERYONE needs an uncle like you! You're the ultimate!

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A Light Exists In Spring

By Emily Dickinson

A light exists in spring
Not present on the year
At any other period.
When March is scarcely here

A color stands abroad
On solitary hills
That science cannot overtake,
But human nature feels.

It waits upon the lawn;
It shows the furthest tree
Upon the furthest slope we know;
It almost speaks to me.

Then, as horizons step,
Or noons report away,
Without the formula of sound,
It passes, and we stay:

A quality of loss
Affecting our content,
As trade had suddenly encroached
Upon a sacrament.

I Left My Foot in the Snow...and other things I've Left Behind Elsewhere

I did what?!

There is something called Stabilicers, rubber attachments with metal posts for the ice, which you attach to your shoes, to prevent you from slipping and tripping. We had another ice storm on Thursday, but I didn't try them on until Friday and yesterday.

It's very cool to crunch the ice with confidence, knowing I don't have to cling to a stranger's car for dear life!:-) Walk anywhere! Stomp everywhere! Sock it to me, ice and snow!

I did not realize until early this morning, when hubby and I set out to Rite Aid to get our "freebates", that only one of my Stabilicers was on my shoe. What happened to the other? I know I put them on my shoes while on the bus, on the way home from the library yesterday. How could I NOT know it came off? I was thinking it had to come off while walking in the icy snow because they make a lot of noise walking on non-icy surfaces, like pavement. I would have to retrace my steps from the bus stop...

Outside, hubby and I looked and looked.

Lo and behold! In a small field separating the apt complex and the street, the lone empty "shoe" was lying on the icy snow close to the sidewalk, as if I had just slipped my hiking boot out of it, like a slipper. It looked so lonely there by itself! Who would've wanted to pick it up when it was only one side? I was NOT looking forward to walking lopsided, that's for sure! And you might imagine how put out I was this morning when I only discovered one attachment was on my shoe as I had just bought them last month and only worn them one day!

That wasn't the only thing I thought I lost yesterday. I wore a pair of dangly earrings to work, ones I bought myself for my b-day last year. One side keeps falling out. I thought maybe I left them at work--but thanks to hubby's good eyes, he spotted the missing half on the floor near my slippers.

I often lose a half of a pair of earrings. It makes me scared to think I may only have half a brain! But not really. I had gotten a third hole in my ear when I met my husband--as a "souvenir" of our first days together...on top of the fact that I kept losing half of many pairs of earrings and thus ended up with a lot of oddball earrings. Where would I put them? In a third hole! I got a fourth one two birthdays ago to mark my 40th year on earth, so now I'm even.:-)

What else have I forgotten? I've left behind my sweaty shirt in the ladies' locker room at my taekwondo school more than a few times (pew!), a favorite glittery pen at school, an extra grocery bag at the grocery store (the contents of which the employees returned to the shelves!%-0), and lord knows what else. Of course, I usually don't remember I've left something behind until I'm halfway home or all the way home from the place where I had left something.

It probably means that I was in too much of a hurry to get someplace else. My mind was elsewhere! How else would I be oblivious to the fact that my shoe attachment fell off while I was marching onward towards my apt? Or that I couldn't wait to get home and thus quickly swept everything off the desk (actually, massage table) that I thought was mine? Or that I was in a hurry to catch the bus and left my sweaty shirt hanging in the locker room?

Maybe I should take better heed of all the buddhist writings I've been reading lately. Zen master and poet Thich Nhat Hanh writes,

"Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand new hours to live. What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others."

(from Peace is in Every Step)

I think that the more I realize this, the more challenging it is to attain a calm sense of mind and keep distractions at bay. Why do I believe this? Because I understand that I can choose to be mindful of my thoughts or not.

Better yet, when I feel I'm in a hurry, I ought to think of my fil (father in-law) at the dinner table, when he usually says, "I ain't going anywhere--are you? Are we in a hurry?" To which everyone else will say no, and he'll reply, "I didn't think so. Let's eat!"
:-)

Women Hold Up Half the Sky

That's a Chinese proverb: Women Hold Up Half the Sky. We DO hold up half the sky, I believe: we help bring new life into the world, we are nuturers, we take care of the nitty gritty and finer details of life, and put up with way too much. And we tend to live longer!;-)

Today, March 8th, is International Women's Day.

This year's them is: Ending Impunity for Violence against Women and Girls.

Why have crimes against half of humanity been swept under the rug as if women don't matter, for so long? Even here, in the USA, the most free country in the world, women still have a difficult time seeking relief and justice from violent partners. It takes a very brave woman to stand up to abuse. I'm not a man-hater, I just hate what some of them do to the mothers, daughters and sisters of the world.:-( It's a crime that they get away with their offenses.

In some countries, IWD is an official holiday, akin to our Mother's Day. I think that's pretty neat. Worldwide, International Women's Day is celebrated annually on March 8 to inspire and recognize the achievements and progress of women.

Why women, and not men? Why not let them take care of themselves?! Women have been getting the short end of things since we've been on earth--and still are. And why am I so passionate about the status of women in the world? I think it started long ago...

For starters, my mom stayed at home to raise her children, and by the time I came around, I was like an only child as there are some years between me and my siblings. So I got a lot of attention from my mom. And I 've always felt that my older sister looked after me in many ways, always having high expectations for her kid sister. Not that my brother or father didn't, but we're talking about women here. Also, I had lots of aunties. Lots! Lots of aunties who were and are opinionated and stubborn!

I was involved in girls' groups like Brownies, and Job's Daughter's (an affiliation of the Masons). But the experience that cemented my views on women's issues was when I attended and graduated from Mills College, a private women's liberal arts college in Oakland, Calfornia, founded in 1852, that also offers co-ed graduate degrees. I was surrounded by intelligent women from all over the country: how could we not discuss issues that mattered to us, when we weren't writing papers?!

The student body at my alma mater went on strike in 1990, in response to the decision--or tenative decision, by the board of trustees to make Mills go co-ed. They made national news for the duration of their strike! I thought it was pretty exciting! I envied the students striking...I wanted to join them, but I was working while they were on strike. Could I have gotten away with it--w/o my parents finding out? I'm sure they would have called me up to remind me of more pressing matters, such as studying. You go, sisters! Anyhow, with all that pressure, the trustees changed their tune and reaffirmed that Mills would remain an all-women undergraduate institution.:-) I still have my t-shirt: Mills College: Better Dead Than Co-ed...I'm quite proud of it!

Granted, all-female colleges are not for every woman. But it was perfect for me. I was at home, there. Being exposed to so many women from different places in the USA and the world opened my eyes to how other women's lives were, their interests and concerns. Men were just a second thought! That isn't to say that a lot of cute young men suddenly and conveniently appeared on the weekends...but our studies were our number one priority.

After I graduated, I was even more inclined to read about women of influence, women in power--even evil, corrupt ones! I still like to read about them. Women leaders. I think we need more of them! I wouldn't just vote for any woman for the sake of having a woman lead the country, state, or a city, of course--I'd want to know what her platform was, first. Throughout history, there have been many women heroines and rulers, but I never knew of them until the end of high school, and then, mostly after college, when I read on my own. I am quite inspired when I read about women who led their country's people in battle, or ruled otherwise--hundreds or thousands of years ago!:-)

A woman doesn't have to rule a country for me to be inspired to want to do better. The ones we don't hear about or rarely get notice are the community leaders and ones who rise up from unimaginable circumstances and help the people in their village to change their views on certain issues, so that women--and perhaps men as well, are not made to be outcasts for not meeting societal standards.

There's still a long way to go. In some way, I hope to contribute to the progress of womens' status in the world. I don't know how or when, but it's my goal before I leave this earth.

So cheers to all the women of the world! Most especially to my mother, sister, mother in-law, sisters in-law, and all my friends who've been there for me thick and thin.:-))

Looking for the Lunar Cookie Eclipse

I went out three times this evening to see if I could find the lunar eclipse, which was supposed to be visible best from the east coast, in the US tonight. We didn't know a thing about it, until we heard it on NPR this evening.

So we set the timer, according to a website about lunar eclipses, on when the peak time would be. This is when the earth's shadow would be covering the moon, and a red shadow can be seen below. The first time, at the appointed peak time, there were so many clouds, and it was still quite light on one half of the sky. We didn't see anything. About a half hour later, I went out alone, and thought I saw a rounded shadow...so maybe that was it. I hope it was, just so I can tell myself I saw an eclipse for once in my life! It seemed very faint, with clouds passing a dark shadow against a rounded shape, like a fat crescent: kind of eerie, like something out of a scary movie! The third time, a few minutes ago, I couldn't see anything. My mother in-law called to ask if we could see it: she had a much better view, even though she still had clouds where she was, two hours south, near the ocean.


These eclipses don't happen very often. I'll have to wait until August 28 of this year, for the next one. To find a schedule of eclipses, solar and lunar, check out:


http://www.mreclipse.com/MrEclipse.html


One day in my life I'd like to witness a solar or lunar eclipse. I think it'd be pretty cool! I imagine a solar eclipse would be more dramatic, as it is daytime and then soon there is darkness, whereas with a lunar eclipse, it's already dark outside. Oh, what do I know? I'll just have to wait for the next eclipse!

********

If what I saw was a partial eclipse this evening, the moon looked like a fat crescent shaped cookie. Like the lemon cooler cookies I bought on impulse from the mom of a student at my taekwondo school last night. Which means, the student was also a girl scout.:-)

I didn't see the lemon cooler cookies listed on the list when I ordered the first box, from another student. Samosas--the coconut and chocolate cookies. Those were good! My family always ordered mint chocolate when my sister was in Girl Scouts. The family favorite. And then, I don't know when...but newer cookies came along and then there were LEMON COOLERS! Sunshine Co. or Nabisco used to make them, but I don't see them anymore. :-(

Lemon coolers! Girl Scouts to the rescue! Yay! When I looked at all the cookie boxes inside the big cardboard boxes, I didn't see lemon coolers, and just casually mentioned that I missed them and didn't see them on the list.

Hey! She said she had ONE box, which she had gotten in a trade from another troop, or something to that effect. It was in her trunk; did I want it? YES! Omigosh, that's like asking, did I need water?!

My goodness, no self-discipline on my part! Here I am, trying to eat healthier, more vegetarian, and then, COOKIES show up before me. What can I do? And one of my favorites. Long time, no see, lemon coolers. I already have you half eaten up, and barely 24 hours have passed since I've obtained you.

It probably is not natural for most people to admit their shortcomings, especially when someone--particularly a loved one or close friend, points these things out to them--usually in a heated manner!:-( I certainly don't like it. But I hope that I have grown--and continue to grow wiser and more mature over time in facing my own shortcomings. And be willing to work on them. Especially when someone throws them at me. The truth is hard to bear!

Like when hubby says I have a sweet tooth and I can't help myself. OKAY, okay! I hear you! %-0 I know that he is only looking out for my long term health and wants me around for a long time, to grow old with. He himself does not have a sweet tooth, but if presented with a box of See's Candies or some other good dessert, he will eat it, for sure! Since my father got diabetes, I have strived to tell myself NO to sweet things. Or at the very least, cut down. His condition, as well as millions of others, ought to be enough to scare the daylights out of me.:-(

It's awfully hard. I do admit: I have a sweet tooth! I LOVE desserts! I ENJOY desserts!

I LOVE cheesecake--esp. with liqueur! Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream! Peach pie! Fruit pies and other sweet pies in general (but not mincemeat)! Tiramisu! Rich, deep, dark chocolate anything! And of course: cookies.

Cookies! They're like Lay's Potato Chips: you can't eat just one! I used to love making cookies. I make more muffins, these days, not that they're any more healthier than cookies. I don't like anything sickeningly sweet, though. Just sweet enough.

Which is why I've always loved the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. I've never outgrown the muppets, or the Looney Tunes gang for that matter! They make me laugh! A lot! Even though the big blue monster sometimes annoyed me with his bad English--which I know was part of him, he has always stood for one of the important, edible joys in life: COOKIES!

He once sang a song to the moon, which he envisioned as a cookie--and starting eating it. It was a riot! He touched my heart.:-))

Go make your day: find your favorite cookie and eat it, too! Bon appetit!

********

If Moon Was Cookie

Words by Luis Santeiro
Music by Stephen Lawrence
as sung by Cookie Monster (Frank Oz)
Spoken: Oh, me love to look at sky at night, to see stars go twinkle-twinkle.
But, you know what me love to look at most - the moon.
It's so big and round. And you know what moon remind me of?
It remind me of big delicious cookie!
Imagine, imagine what me do if moon was cookie.
Imagine.

Sung:
If moon was cookie, me think me would be
The happiest monster you've ever seen
I'd put on a spacesuit and up through the night
I'd ride in a rocket and go take a bite

Me take bite from here, me take bite from there
And pretty soon me bite everywhere
Me eat with both hands, don't need fork or spoon
I'd chew it all up, until there's no moon

Spoken:
Who turned out the lights? Oh, me know what happened.
Me ate moon and now there's no moonlight.

Sung:
If moon was cookie it wouldn't be fine
'Cause if me ate it, then it wouldn't shine
Me come to the window and look up at night
But no little moonbeams would give me the light

So me not like to say it, but it clear to me
We're lucky that moon is not a cookie