The Ultimate Uncle

Uncle T was like no other man I've met or known in my life. He was the Ultimate Uncle: the kind of relative every person would love to have. Why?

For a thousand reasons, and then some. He was a gentleman, for one. More precisely, he treated women with respect, whether he liked them or not. And for the most part, one would never know if he disliked someone unless he told you privately, among friends or family members. If anything, he was the type to comment on someone's behavior or character trait, rather the the person.

The fact that he treated women with respect speaks volumes about him. That part of him, of course, means a lot to me. It means he was a great role model. Someone I could trust, as well as respect--and not just because of age, as I was taught. Uncle T was a model whom I could measure the character of my future spouse upon.

He loved my Auntie L dearly. Auntie L, one of my father's older sisters, was my favorite aunt...which therefore forever makes him my favorite uncle! They were generous with their love to my siblings and myself, and, I'm certain, to many of their relatives and friends. They had no children of their own.

They took me to many places, introduced me to their friends, spoiled me with birthday parties with my friends when I was young, encouraged me to do well in all I endeavored, were always, always interested in my activities, and had high hopes for me. They loved me!:-) Probably more than I have ever been aware of. But I was secure in their love.

Even after Auntie L passed away from cancer in '89, Uncle T didn't cease to show his love for me/us, just because we were on her side of the family. The two of them had spent every single Christmas with us as far as I can remember. Christmas was not Christmas without their presence on Christmas Eve! After she was gone, he still continued to spend many holidays with us.

He even continued to write letters to me! The last one I have is from last month. I have letters dating from 1973 from both of them. That's 34 years' worth of correspondence! It belongs in my "special collections" library of letters! ;-D The two of them took turns writing to me, although for the most part, it was Auntie L until she became very ill.

Uncle T did SO much in his lifetime! He was the eldest of 10 children. A founding father of Pi Alpha Phi, the first Asian American Interest Fraternity (founded in 1926). A WWII vet, a Master Mason and Shriner, active golfer for decades with many trophies, world traveler, volunteer for the Shriner's Burn Center for Children in Sacramento, gourmet chef extraordinaire for his family, advisor to family and friends. Hmm...I know I'm missing a lot! That was probably the tip of the iceberg.

Just a few years ago, in response to receiving my plane itinerary and tenative plans for my visit with my family, I remember him writing me, "Your schedule matches my calendar!" Ladies and gents: this man's calendar was just about filled with black ink, for every day of the week, whether he attended to his activities or not!

He was THE diplomat! He never, to my memory, belittled anyone. If he didn't like something you did--such as me rejecting tomatoes he served when I was very young, he would say something like, "Are you sure? You might like them if you try". Never anything like, you stupid kid: EAT!

And he was a tease. Once, I grabbed the bill at a restaurant because I was curious to read it (must have been during early elementary school years!); Uncle T had a mischevious grin on his face, and exclaimed, "Oh! Thank YOU for offering to pay for me and Auntie L!" Oops!

I cannot ever remember him cursing or losing his temper. He might have a grave look about him if he was disappointed about something or someone, but he still was thoughtful--skillfully assessing the situation and choosing his words carefully. I don't know that I ever heard a sarcastic tone come from him. He was able to state his opinions without being aggressive. Sometimes he'd chuckle, "heh heh heh", after commenting on something, usually not too positive. I suppose that was his buffer of diplomacy.;-)

Uncle T was a member of the Toastmaster's Club for some time. I don't recall how long, but he wanted to be a better speaker. I remember him telling me that he would get points off every time he said, "Um"! If I picked up any tricks of the trade he shared with me from his time with them, it was to leave out ummmm!

He left us early Wednesday morning, the day after his 97th birthday. I imagine a lot of people were hoping he'd hang on to at least 100. I know I did. But he wanted to go. Really go. I take some comfort that he is now with Auntie L. Yet that doesn't take away the pain of the loss that I and his family feel.

He left such an impact on my life. Many lives. He lived long and well. An inspiration to me to live my life as fully as possible, for as long as possible.

Uncle T...I miss you so much. :-( I cried on the bus 2x yesterday. There's gap you've left because you were present in my life from the very beginning, sharing your love generously and unconditionally. EVERYONE needs an uncle like you! You're the ultimate!

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A Light Exists In Spring

By Emily Dickinson

A light exists in spring
Not present on the year
At any other period.
When March is scarcely here

A color stands abroad
On solitary hills
That science cannot overtake,
But human nature feels.

It waits upon the lawn;
It shows the furthest tree
Upon the furthest slope we know;
It almost speaks to me.

Then, as horizons step,
Or noons report away,
Without the formula of sound,
It passes, and we stay:

A quality of loss
Affecting our content,
As trade had suddenly encroached
Upon a sacrament.