There is a void in my heart that cannot be filled by anyone but the person who just left it. And yet, he will always be in my heart.
How contradictory does that sound?
It's been almost a week since my Utimate Uncle's funeral...and I still get wet-eyed every time I think of him. The same thing happened when my beloved aunt passed away in '89. Except now, the pain is greater because they are now both gone. :-((
I have been to more funerals than I can count with my fingers, since I was five years old. Grandparents, relatives, and friends. The deaths of Auntie L and Uncle T have been among the most emotional funerals for me--and I daresay, my siblings, because they were SO much a part of my life. They were ONE. An awesome couple. Action-oriented! Achievement-oriented! A +++++++ extraordinary cooks! They had an ample supply of love for both sides of their families and friends!
I cannot sing enough praises about them nor will I ever want to stop . It just seemed they did everything together. But they also did a lot on their own. Life without them definitely won't be the same. What's Christmas without them?
When the slide show was presented at the closing of the funeral service for Uncle T, it was almost unbearable. There were some great photos, especially of his youthful days, yet all the memories came flowing back into my mind in a flood. And my salty tears flooded down my already wet face.
This is really the first time in my youthful life (!) that I have felt a real, deep loss. Not that the losses of my grandparents, relatives and friends were not important. Not by any means. Only that my beloved uncle and aunt were such an integral part of my life from the time I was a baby. Before I even knew who they were.
It is a strange feeling to feel an aching emptiness. That two people who were so much a part of my life are no longer here. I can't reach out to touch them. Hug them. Kiss them. Call them up. Or write them a letter. It's a terrible ache. Where are you two?
When Auntie L passed, I had many dreams about her. That she came back into our lives. And that we would have to let her go back to sleep again each evening. :-( I dreamed this for many years. She still "visits" me in very vivid dreams from time to time. With Uncle T, I hear his voice in my head, now. Possibly a reminder to me to strive for excellence in both personal and professional pursuits? I believe there can be no better person to emulate. :-)
This April 18 would have been their 71st wedding anniversary. Wow. :-) Our great loss is their great gain: they are together again. Forever. And forever they will remain in my heart.
Auntie L and Uncle T: I can think of few other people who have so consistently demonstrated their love to others in all the possible ways that love can be shown, as you two did, in my time knowing you. Most importantly, I saw how you loved each other. That, in and of itself, was the greatest gift you gave to me.
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Sonnet from the Portuguese XLIII
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and Ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
--Elizabeth Barrett Browning 1806-61
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