AIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!%-D

Oh, pardon me! I just couldn't help myself!;-)

Wow! I did it! I got IT!

it is kicking the boards on the first attempt.

IT is my black belt--with my name on it, no less!

After 3 1/2 years of hard work and a range of emotions from tears of frustration to tears of elation, I finally have my black belt!

This is redemption for the years of p.e. trauma! I am the kid who was always always always picked last for a team, except for third grade, when I had a classmate who had a disability which caused his legs to be twisted, and resulted in his walking and running with great effort. He and I became silent partners and friends very quickly through the weekly torment of team picking.

I couldn't wait until the year when I didn't have to take p.e. anymore! Tenth grade: hurry up, please!

But what happened in 11th grade? I let my best friend talk me into taking a class called "Trimmercise": a workout class for girls only. Our teacher was the school's football coach who also coached the Sacramento Police Department's football team. We were a sorry bunch, for sure! Lift weights, push-ups, crunches, run around the building, across the field, and all over again. Sweat! Pant! I'm dying! Let's stop and chat like teenage girls do!

Halfway through the semester, we were burnt out. Tired of suffering. He tried coddling, threatening...anything to make us move! Poor man! He was outnumbered! What's a man to do when he's outnumbered by a class full of teenaged girls whose collective will is apparently greater than his?

Throw in the towel, dude! He gave up on us. Just do something, ladies, he told us! Yes, Mr. ?, we replied. We understand you need to keep your job. Well, we didn't say that last part, but we knew he'd rather be coaching football anyday.

I think my average grade in p.e. all through my school years was the one thing my parents forgave me for. Or was it, took pity upon me for? The first one sounds better! I did poorly in math classes, too, but I felt more obligated to math than I did to p.e.

What the heck was p.e. going to do for me besides make me suffer the taunts of my classmates week after week, year after year? From elementary school to junior high to high school? Or suffer the dismay of my teachers. How could anyone be so weak? One junior high teacher really made me feel like a freak, when she kept me after class on a few occasions. Yes, I know she was trying to help, but try telling that to a 13 year-old entering the throes of adolescence!%-(

In later years, I had no taste for anything athletic in nature. A friend cajoled me into accompanying her to her Jazzercise class, which she loved with a passion. When she asked me how I liked it, I felt I should be direct, as any true friend would.

So I paused, wanting to choose my words carefully, and replied, "I don't think it's for me. It's not my 'style'."

She looked at me as if I had lost my marbles. As if Jazzercise was the greatest thing since sliced bread! "What?" she exclaimed. "This is great! You get a terrific workout! You don't have any exercise activity--I thought you could benefit from this!" Sure, I could benefit from it, but it's not me.

To each her own!

Lo and behold, 3000 miles across the country and many years later, I happen to be attending a community fair when a man in a martial arts uniform approaches me and asks if I would like to put my name in for a drawing for a free month-long trial to try taekwondo? Sure! I always like to win something!;-)

I didn't hear anything for a few weeks, and then I got a letter from Mr. A at the ATA Black Belt Academy saying I won the drawing. Very cool! Fed right into my fantasies of being the woman who took care of the bad guys on those badly dubbed Kung Fu films from Hong Kong, that hubby and I used to watch in the wee hours of the morning on the Asian t.v. station out in the Bay Area in California.

After only two classes, I was hooked. I was infected with the ATA virus. Forever!;-D I blame my instructors because they are all so awesome! Particularly, you, Mr. J, since you spent the most time teaching me. I bet I made you work for your keep!;-)

This was unlike anything I ever experienced. And I loved and love it because it is very individual-oriented. You are not compared to anyone else. You don't have to worry about being picked last (!) on a team, yet you learn to work with others and develop respect and concern for others. A very positive environment.:-))

I wanted to do it for health/fitness and confidence. And I think those have been restored and continue to be improved. I've had many ailments throughout my lifetime, had a miscarriage and countless mishaps...but taekwondo has helped restore my confidence on many levels. I have a functioning body! I can defend myself! Don't mess with me!%-D

So I can't say enough thank you's to my instructors and classmates who have taught and continue to teach and encourage me in so many ways, and also to certain family members and friends around the country who've been there for me from the start. You're the best! :-))


Thank you! Merci! Gracias! Tesekkur ederim! Doh jeh!

Do it Again!

I did it! I broke the boards on the first try last night! Yay!

Now I just have to do it again Friday night. I'm GOING TO do it again Friday night. Be calm, be cool. FOCUS. POWER. SPEED. GOOD TECHNIQUE. Get LOUD! I must remember this. I MUST remember this!

Kill all self doubt. Think positive!:-))

Please keep sending all your positive energy this way! Thank you to all who have and continue to do so, sending me your good wishes. I deeply appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.:-)

I wanna knock everybody's socks off!

AIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!%-D

Breaking Boards!

How do you break a board?

You focus on your target(s). Use power! Speed! Use good techniques. And get loud so your potential target will be startled!%-0

If you're weak like me, then maybe you have to envision the board as a nemesis from your past to gain some energy: a horrible former co-worker or two! dirty, rotten ex-boyfriends! girls who tried to spread nasty rumors about a good friend of yours!

Or get mad! That's what a couple friends told me I was when I finally kicked THROUGH the board Thursday night; they could tell I was mad! Mad at myself, mainly. As in: how did I do it on the first try the previous week, but not that time? Very frustrating. I make my instructor work for his living!%-0

I just gotta give it my all on Tuesday and Friday. FOCUS. POWER. SPEED. GOOD TECHNIQUE.

I must remember this, I must remember this! I need to break the boards on Tuesday so I can promote on Friday for my black belt! Think positive!

I had a terrible time breaking boards last week. All week. Seemed to get worse instead of better.:-(

BUT, this is a new week!:-))

Please send me your positive energy, everybody!

I wanna knock everybody's socks off!

AIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! %-D

Missing Uncle T & Auntie L

There is a void in my heart that cannot be filled by anyone but the person who just left it. And yet, he will always be in my heart.

How contradictory does that sound?

It's been almost a week since my Utimate Uncle's funeral...and I still get wet-eyed every time I think of him. The same thing happened when my beloved aunt passed away in '89. Except now, the pain is greater because they are now both gone. :-((

I have been to more funerals than I can count with my fingers, since I was five years old. Grandparents, relatives, and friends. The deaths of Auntie L and Uncle T have been among the most emotional funerals for me--and I daresay, my siblings, because they were SO much a part of my life. They were ONE. An awesome couple. Action-oriented! Achievement-oriented! A +++++++ extraordinary cooks! They had an ample supply of love for both sides of their families and friends!

I cannot sing enough praises about them nor will I ever want to stop . It just seemed they did everything together. But they also did a lot on their own. Life without them definitely won't be the same. What's Christmas without them?

When the slide show was presented at the closing of the funeral service for Uncle T, it was almost unbearable. There were some great photos, especially of his youthful days, yet all the memories came flowing back into my mind in a flood. And my salty tears flooded down my already wet face.

This is really the first time in my youthful life (!) that I have felt a real, deep loss. Not that the losses of my grandparents, relatives and friends were not important. Not by any means. Only that my beloved uncle and aunt were such an integral part of my life from the time I was a baby. Before I even knew who they were.

It is a strange feeling to feel an aching emptiness. That two people who were so much a part of my life are no longer here. I can't reach out to touch them. Hug them. Kiss them. Call them up. Or write them a letter. It's a terrible ache. Where are you two?

When Auntie L passed, I had many dreams about her. That she came back into our lives. And that we would have to let her go back to sleep again each evening. :-( I dreamed this for many years. She still "visits" me in very vivid dreams from time to time. With Uncle T, I hear his voice in my head, now. Possibly a reminder to me to strive for excellence in both personal and professional pursuits? I believe there can be no better person to emulate. :-)

This April 18 would have been their 71st wedding anniversary. Wow. :-) Our great loss is their great gain: they are together again. Forever. And forever they will remain in my heart.

Auntie L and Uncle T: I can think of few other people who have so consistently demonstrated their love to others in all the possible ways that love can be shown, as you two did, in my time knowing you. Most importantly, I saw how you loved each other. That, in and of itself, was the greatest gift you gave to me.

********

Sonnet from the Portuguese XLIII

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and Ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

--Elizabeth Barrett Browning 1806-61